Archive for the ‘The Void’ Category

Lackluster, or HoMD #10

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

I find myself on the horns of a dilemma regarding today’s highlight — was it the new episode of Ugly Betty or that I successfully reached double digits in the 365 Challenge? Both are so lame I’ll leave it up to you readers to decide.

Today I wrestled with what I refer to as The Void. Nothing seemed worth the effort of being awake. I know everyone has days such as this. For me they usually auger the beginning of days and days like this one. I cannot, for love or money, discern any reason for my continued existence.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not contemplating suicide. I just wonder why I’m here and realize how insignificant my life is. I’m cog without a machine. More though, I’m a cog with no interest in finding a machine. Wait. That’s not exactly right. I think it’s more that I don’t see or know any machines I want to join.

But I have to stop there for two reasons. One, this is making me cry. Two, this is supposed to be a post about what was good about my day. Maybe I’ll pick it up tomorrow.

Inkey V. The Void

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Brace yourselves, both of you, dear readers. It’s about to get maudlin and murky and grotesquely self-indulgent.

At least four topics stand patiently in the blog-entries-to-be-written queue, avoiding eye contact, when this trauma-posting rudely pushes the others aside and demands to be written immediately, regardless of the consequences.

I seriously doubt anyone wants to hear the details of my angsty state. Who has angst past the age of seventeen anyway? Sadly for you deux, I made a pact with one of you to publish something on my blog today (and aren’t you impressed with my just-under-the-wire performance?).

So, I’m three paragraphs in and I’ve already run out of ways to avoid the subject. Do I have no other clever ways to dance around the subject? To dance with the subject? Damn. OK, deep breath. Now jump. No, seriously, JUMP. NOW!

I spend a lot of time depressed. I’ve spent ridiculous amounts of time and money and effort on therapy, but I still get depressed. Not sad. Depressed. The clinical kind. The kind where it’s hard to justify getting out of bed. The kind where death seems preferable to just about anything. The kind I’m fighting right now. I take pills for it. Pills I’ll surely take until I die. Pills that glue me together because I’m broken. Pills that glue me together so I can function. Pills that don’t always work. And so I still wrestle with depression.

Nothing new, you say? Of course not.

And that’s part of the problem. I’m dead sick of the same old issues. Can’t there be some variety? I need a new nemesis, a new super villain to battle. There must be some other life lesson out there for me to learn aside from, “What is my purpose? Why am I here?” The life lesson that dresses in a flowing black cloak and is known in comic book parlance as The Void.

I tire of bellyaching. I’ll stop here with the realization that I’ve discovered a new blog theme: Inkey v. The Void. Return to this blog for their future adventures in boring self-recrimination and uselessness.

To be continued…